Typically I should be reminded of who I’m.
There are durations—days, weeks even—once I really feel off kilter, untethered, floating above myself, wandering within the void.
These days I’ve been drained—soul drained, bone drained. I’ve felt the discomfort of being IN BETWEEN. In between tasks. In between residing areas. In between one pores and skin I’m shedding and the brand new one I’ll quickly occupy. Transferring houses is destabilizing. As of this second, I’m slated to be out of my present apt in ten days and have but to signal a lease for one in every of two locations I may be transferring into. I haven’t packed a field.
Every little thing is not sure, up within the air, left to the gods. I’m in between, each bodily and emotionally. A part of me is unhappy to vacate my present residence—my lovely yard, the recollections, the late afternoon solar that shines on my west-facing patio.
I’ve all the time hated transferring. A lifelong hermit and homebody, I are likely to get hooked up to my residing areas.
After I was 13 years previous, I moved out of the home during which I’d lived the whole thing of my childhood, and it was devastating. I can nonetheless really feel that home—it’s partitions embedded in my bones.
Years later, as I packed up the Baltimore condo during which I’d lived the earlier 7 years, I felt that acquainted pang of bittersweetness. One thing new was brewing, sure, however solely within the wake of one thing being left behind.
One other a part of me is worked up to chop this twine in it’s entirety; not the entire recollections are good. I’ll lastly reside in a house that was by no means contaminated by my ex husband’s presence, and that isn’t a small factor. A brand new neighborhood. A brand new chapter. New recollections.
I’m prepared. Able to burn all of it down and construct one thing new atop the ashes. However I’m nonetheless, because it appears, in between.
The liminal area—that’s to say, the area between what was and what will probably be—will be terribly uncomfortable. We’re pressured to face within the threshold between right here and there, the uncertainty of our very existence, not to mention the small print of it. If we’re not cautious, what is supposed to develop us can as a substitute go away us feeling fractured, wistful, or worse but, trapped.
However the liminal area is not purgatory—there may be all the time a method out, whether or not forwards or sideways, that carries the promise of transformation. If we will remind ourselves of who we’re and tether ourselves to our personal divinity, we will navigate this area in ways in which invite growth, not concern. We simply have to apply the type of soul upkeep that brings us again to ourselves.
My soul upkeep consists of nature, motion, music, magic, and artwork. When I’ve my palms within the dust, on a barbell, or wrapped round a pen, I keep in mind who I’m. I come again to myself in waves, in whispers. I do know that I can reside within the in between simply as a lot as I do know I don’t need to. However I’m right here. And I’m respiration. And I’m succesful.
And I do know you’re too.
While you’re in these liminal areas, keep in mind your soul upkeep, boo. As you linger within the threshold, keep grounded. Keep near the issues that remind you who you’re.