Which Means Are We Trying?


During the last yr, we’ve had the distinction of being a part of a rising motion of care companions, folks residing with dementia, well being and serving to professionals, artists, activists and advocates throughout the U.S. and globally who’re bringing new, radically humanizing visions of care and coverage to the dementia dialog. Whereas we hope our The Joy of Dementia (You Gotta Be Kidding!) conversations are contributing to the success of this motion, it’s in regards to the classes we’ve realized from others that we’re writing. So it’s our pleasure to introduce you to only two of the various “lecturers” who encourage us.

Recognized with early onset dementia at age 60, Wally Cox lives in Northern California together with his spouse Pat. Wally just lately shared an exquisite talk he gave for the Alzheimer’s Affiliation in CA wherein he shares his response to the physician telling him and Pat to “go dwelling and get his affairs so as.”

It was as if I used to be on a merry-go-round, standing on the surface edge because it was spinning resolutely, staring on the heart pole the place I noticed the ‘Massive Ds’ – dementia, despair, despair, disappointment and demise…I used to be whirling in circles, changing into sick from fear, stress and the considerations I had. Within the meantime, as I centered on the middle of the merry-go-round and surrounding me have been all the great issues I’d have seen if had simply rotated and appeared outdoors as an alternative of in…I wanted to look outward from the merry-go-round to see one other path – the remainder of my world, crammed with religion, household, pals, music, love, journey, artwork. I wanted to acknowledge that I’m greater than my analysis, greater than my sickness…That is the trail I’ve chosen.

He then asks the viewers, “Are you staring inward at what can’t be managed or outward at what is feasible?” What an exquisite query, and one which, in our opinion, doesn’t get requested practically sufficient – about dementia or nearly all the things else in life.

Susanna Howard is the brilliantly inventive founding father of Living Words, a UK-based “arts & literature charity, working with folks experiencing a dementia, remoted people & communities.” This previous November, Susanna joined Mary, Peter Whitehouse, Richard Coaten and Lois Holzman for a November webinar, “Overlook What You Know About Dementia” (transcript accessible here).

Luckily, she additionally launched us to The Things Between Us, an extremely shifting anthology Residing Phrases printed of phrases and poems of individuals residing within the late levels of dementia. Listed below are a few our favorites.


I don’t know what I believe

I don’t know if it issues

I don’t assume it does
I don’t assume

I don’t know that I believe

That’s the difficulty

Reside a Life

No person right here asks what you probably did

In your life

It appears they appear to assume

We have been placed on earth with damaged legs

And have come for sympathy

They usually say ‘Sure, sure’

Don’t actually need to know

It sounds foolish

However it’s fairly true

We’ve all lived a life.

Let’s face it – if these phrases have been heard in “actual life” from somebody with superior dementia, they’d probably be ignored or dismissed because the mutterings of somebody “not all there”. However skilled as poetry, the affect could be very completely different. We permit ourselves to be touched and impressed and embrace the humanity of the “poet.”  Free of the constraints of reality and figuring out and assumptions, now we have a possibility to create extra intimate relationships with these we love, no matter their life situation.

All of which has helped us respect that Pleasure of Dementia can be utilizing a unique lens – the lens of improvement and progress. As seen via this lens, human beings not individuated and remoted people however relational beings and a part of one thing bigger than. Certainly, it’s the relationality and the collaborative nature of what people do that permits us to develop with, fairly than worry, the unknown. In our work, we emphasize the ensemble exercise of making the efficiency.

After all, most individuals don’t view themselves as “performers” so we assist them alongside. A enjoyable manner we do that is by directing the teams with whom we work on their “viewers efficiency.” We ask them to carry out as bored, as excited, as outraged, and many others. – all of which they do remarkably effectively! Not solely do they expertise themselves as performers (in probably the most odd sense of that phrase), they start to see that, as performers-in-life, they will repeatedly determine easy methods to reply – within the workshop and in life.

Will trying “outdoors as an alternative of in,” embracing the poetics of dementia or utilizing new “glasses” guarantee a “blissful ending”? No. However having the capability to see and create new prospects in even probably the most troublesome of life state of affairs could make an enormous distinction within the high quality of our lives. And this, for us, within the problem – and pleasure – of dementia and life.

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